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| Saturday, April 21st, 2007 | | 12:26 pm |
I've been away
Hello everyone and thanks for the nudge. Things here have been pretty hectic. My NBA team is in the playoffs, my baseball team is just starting the season and my arena football team is in the middle of their season. ( We are currently first place). So I have has no life so to speak. I have been reading you and kind of keeping up to date. You have been busy with you computers (I am so jealous). I will update you on the important stuff in the near future. Enjoy. Gentlehunter | | Saturday, January 6th, 2007 | | 12:45 am |
This is the way it should be
This text is from a county emergency manager out in the central part of Colorado after today's snowstorm. WEATHER BULLETIN Up here, in the Northern Plains, we just recovered from a Historic event--- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to 10's of thousands. FYI: George Bush did not come. FEMA did nothing. No one howled for the government. No one blamed the government. No one even uttered an expletive on TV Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton did not visit. O ur Mayor did not blame Bush or anyone else. Our Governor did not blame Bush or anyone else, either. CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX or NBC did not visit - or report on this category 5 snowstorm. Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards. No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House. No one looted. Nobody - I mean Nobody demanded the government do something. Nobody expected the government to do anything, either. No Larry King, No Bill O'Rielly, No Oprah, No Chris Mathews and No Geraldo Rivera. No Shaun Penn, No Barbara Striesand, No Hollywood types to be found. Nope, we just melted the snow for water. Sent out caravans of SUV's to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars. The truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn't ask for a penny. Local restaurants made food and the police and fire departments delivered it to the snow bound families. Families took in the stranded people - total strangers. We fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns. We put on extra layers of clothes because up here it is "Work or Die". We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for 'sittin at home' checks. Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early, we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves. "In my many travels, I have noticed that once one gets north of about 48 degrees North Latitude, 90% of the world's social problems evaporate." It does seem that way, at least to me. I hope this gets passed on. Hopefully, SOME people will get the message. The world does Not owe you a living. | | Friday, December 8th, 2006 | | 9:20 am |
computers vs American Auto
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics(and I just love this part): 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh! would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again >because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. | | 12:55 am |
Silence
Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent Monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so. "Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words." Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed." "I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "we will get you a better bed. "After another 5 years, the Priest called Sister Mary Katherine. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine." "Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future. On her fifteenth anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. "You may say two words today." "I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine. "It's probably best," said the Priest. "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here. | | Friday, October 13th, 2006 | | 1:40 pm |
short and sweet
> > Short and Sweet This was just sent to me and it's profound, short and sweet... Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you. Jesus Christ and the American G. I. One died for your soul; the other for your freedom. | | Thursday, October 5th, 2006 | | 11:19 pm |
children and childbirth
Should children witness childbirth? Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack his ass again!" | | Monday, October 2nd, 2006 | | 1:07 pm |
TO EVERYBODY ON LJ (PASS IT ON)
>PLEASE INFORM EVERYONE > > Emails with pictures of Osama Bin-Laden hanged are being sent and > the moment that you open these e mails your computer will crash and > you will not be able to fix it! > > > If you get an email along the lines of "Osama Bin Laden Captured"or >"Osama Hanged" don't open the attachment. > > This e-mail is being distributed through countries around the > globe,but mainly in the US and Israel. > > Be considerate & send this warning to whomever you know. > > PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND >CONTACTS: > > You should be alert during the next days: > Do not open any message with an attached filed called > > "Invitation" regardless of who sent it. > > > It is a virus that opens an Olympic Torch which "burns" the whole >hard disc C of your computer. > > > This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address > in his/her contact list, that is why you should send this e-mail to > all your contacts. > >It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus >and open it. > > If you receive a mail called "invitation", though sent by a friend, >do not open it and shut down your computer immediately. > >This is the worst virus announced by CNN, it has been classified by > Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. > > This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair >yet for this kind of virus. > > This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc,where > the vital information is kept. | | Wednesday, September 27th, 2006 | | 2:54 pm |
How Old Are You?
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1988. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. The CD was introduced the year they were born. They have always had an answering machine They have always had cable. Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane Boss, de plane". McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers. They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter SAVE THE EARTH--It's the only planet with chocolate!!!! | | Tuesday, September 26th, 2006 | | 5:39 pm |
Just Having Fun Officer
The other day I was in town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I walked up to him and said, "How about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So, I called him a Terrorist. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tic kets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus and the car had a "Hillary for President" bumper sticker. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age. | | Saturday, September 23rd, 2006 | | 4:59 pm |
What Happened?
This is too true to be very funny Tax his land, Tax his wage, Tax his bed in which he lays. Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes is the rule. Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat. Tax his ties, Tax his shirts, Tax his work, Tax his dirt. Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he tries to think. Tax his booze, Tax his beers, If he cries, Tax his tears. Tax his bills, Tax his gas, Tax his notes, Tax his cash. Tax him good and let him know That after taxes, he has no dough. If he hollers, Tax him more, Tax him until he's good and sore. Tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax the sod in which he lays. Put these words upon his tomb, Taxes drove me to my doom!" And when he's gone, We won't relax, We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!! Accounts Receivable Tax Building Permit Tax CDL License Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Dog License Tax Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel Permit Tax Gasoline Tax Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax Inventory Tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax), IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax), Liquor Tax, Luxury Tax, Marriage License Tax, Medicare Tax, Property Tax, Real Estate Tax, Service charge taxes, Social Security Tax, Road Usage Tax (Truckers), Sales Taxes, Recreational Vehicle Tax, School Tax, State Income Tax, State Unemployment Tax (SUTA), Telephone Federal Excise Tax, Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax, Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax, Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax, Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax, Telephone State and Local Tax, Telephone Usage Charge Tax, Utility Tax, Vehicle License Registration Tax, Vehicle Sales Tax, Watercraft Registration Tax, Well Permit Tax, Workers Compensation Tax. COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and there was prosperity, absolutely no national debt, the largest middle class in the world and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What happened????? | | Friday, September 22nd, 2006 | | 2:49 pm |
What is a BILLION
The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" in a casual manner, think about whether you want the "politicians" spending your tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases. A billion seconds ago it was 1959. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it. While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans. It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division . Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number, what does it mean? Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1,329,787. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012. Washington, D.C . HELLO!!! .. Are all your calculators broken?? | | Wednesday, September 13th, 2006 | | 8:30 am |
I am offended
WILL we still be the Country of choice and still be America IF we continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries that came to live in America because it is the Country of Choice?????? Think about it . All I have to say is, when will they do something about MY RIGHTS? I celebrate Christmas, but because it isn't celebrated by everyone, we can no longer say Merry Christmas. Now it has to be Season's Greetings........ It's not Christmas vacation, it's Winter Break. Isn't it amazing how this winter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas holiday? We've gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone, that I AM now being Offended. But it seems that no one has a problem with that. This says it all! This is an editorial written by an American Citizen, published in a Tampa newspaper. He did quite a job--didn't he? Read on, please! IMMIGRANTS, NOT AMERICANS, MUST ADAPT. - I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that Our Patriotism was offending others. I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America. Our Population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to Our Country, and apparently some born here, need to understand. This idea of America being a multi cultural community has served only to dilute Our Sovereignty and Our National Identity. As Americans, we have Our Own Culture, Our Own Society, Our Own Language and Our Own Lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought FREEDOM. We speak ENGLISH , not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of Our Society, learn the language! "In God We Trust" is Our National Motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of Our Schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of Our Culture. If "Stars and Stripes" offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with Our Culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. This is Our Country, Our Land, and Our Lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our National Motto, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great American Freedom, THE RIGHT TO LEAVE. It is Time for America to Speak up If you agree -- pass this along; if you don't agree -- delete it! IN GOD WE TRUST AMEN I figure if we all keep passing this to Our Friends (and enemies) it will also, sooner or later get back to the complainers, let's all try, please. GOD BLESS THE USA. | | Tuesday, September 12th, 2006 | | 10:30 pm |
I wrote this in 1968
Love Did you ever love someone and know they didn't love you? Did you ever feel like crying but what good would it do? Did you ever see her dancing when the lights were turned down low? Did you ever whisper God I love her so? And then it starts you don't know why you wonder day and night. Because you see your losing her no matter how you fight. Love's divine but it hurt so much you'll die before your through. I ought to know you see my friend I fell in love with you. | | Wednesday, September 6th, 2006 | | 3:21 pm |
We the people
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What are Politics?" Dad says "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: ..1. I'm the head of the family, so call me the president ..2. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. ..3. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. ..4. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working class. ..5. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. "Now think about that and see if it makes sense." So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So, the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks in the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "The president is screwing the working class, while the government is sound asleep. The people are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit". | | Monday, September 4th, 2006 | | 9:11 am |
Merry CHRISTMAS
Subject: FW: Fun with the ACLU - FW: What A Great Idea
>Subject: What a GREAT idea!
>
>Have some fun and do something really worthwhile too!
>Fun with the ACLU
>
>
>Wanna have some fun this CHRISTMAS? Send the ACLU a CHRISTMAS CARD!
>As they are working so very hard to get rid of the CHRISTMAS part of this
>holiday, we should all send them a nice, CHRISTIAN, card to brighten up
>their dark, sad, little world.
>
>
>
>Make sure it says "Merry Christmas" on it.
>
>Here's the Address, just don't be rude or crude.
> ACLU
> 125 Broad Street
> 18th Floor
> New York, NY 10004
>
>
>
>
>
>Go ahead....add the address to your Christmas Card List right now! :)
>
>Two tons of Christmas cards would freeze their operations because they
>wouldn't know if any were regular mail containing contributions.. So spend
>39 cents and tell the ACLU to leave Christmas alone. Also tell them that
>there is no such thing as a Holiday Tree. . . . It's a Christmas Tree even
>in the fields!!
>And pass this on to your email lists. We really want to communicate
>with the ACLU! They really DESERVE us!! | | Thursday, August 31st, 2006 | | 4:25 pm |
You need to know
STROKE IDENTIFICATION: During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm, Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead. It only takes a minute to read this... A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough. RECOGNIZING A STROKE Thank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn! Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions: S * Ask the individual to SMILE. T * Ask the person to TALK to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. . It is sunny out today) R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS. NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke. If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 911 immediately !! and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher. | | Friday, August 25th, 2006 | | 2:20 pm |
Luck?
Luck His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death. The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. "I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life." "No, I ca n't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel. "Is that your son?" the nobleman asked. "Yes," the farmer replied proudly. "I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of." And that he did. Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin. Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia. What saved his life this time? Penicillin. The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill . His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill. | | Monday, August 14th, 2006 | | 1:39 pm |
warning from a friend
I don't know if you shop at Sam's Club or Costco, but this may be useful to know. I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me and it could happen to you!! Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking well-built guys, around 30 years-old, come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both are shirtless and start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their highly-defined chest muscles and rock-hard abs exposed. It's impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Sam's Club or Costco. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start talking dirty about what they want to do to you. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and begins kissing your neck and begs you to pull over so he can make love to you!! While this is going on the other guy steals your purse!! I had my purse stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, also yesterday and most likely tomorrow. I'm running out of purses!! | | Thursday, August 10th, 2006 | | 11:27 am |
beer,fishing,golf,and sex
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man. "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex." | | Friday, August 4th, 2006 | | 5:18 pm |
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